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Throughout my eating disorder, meal planning has been a huge part of my life. When in active bulimia, I would meal plan as a way to control calories and to make sure I wasn't eating things I thought I shouldn't. I used meal planning in a negative way and instead of using it as a healthy tool, used it as a way to control my weight. However, I am currently in a postition in treatment with BANA where recording meal planners and intake logs has become an integral part of my recovery. I am now expected to write down everything I eat and drink and to plan my meals and snacks ahead of time, but this time, as a means to recover, not lose weight.
I know that meal planning and food intake logs are important pieces during recovery but it is hard to switch this into a postive behavior when it has been an unhealthy one for so long. I realize that these recordings help me to see what I'm eating, when I'm eating it, and how I am feeling during meals, binges and purges, but it is hard not to use it as a way to restrict my caloric intake. How do I go from such a negative behavior to a postive one using the same tools.
I suppose this is something to talk to my one on one counselor about. Finding a way to use meal planning as a healthy thing is something I truly want to learn how to do because I know it will help me immensely in the long run.
Also, I feel that practice will make perfect (or close enough to it) in terms of recording what I am eating and when. The key component also makes this a different activity because I had never recorded the why, or how I am feeling before. Keeping track of the emotions and thoughts that go along with my eating and compensatory behaviors might be what keeps me on track and maintains the positivity of the meal planning. It will help me see trends in my beaahviors and will allow me to use healthy coping skills to change these behaviors. Knowing all the information that meal planning and intake logs provide will help me to see the root problems with my eating disorder which then allows me to make the changes I need to make.
WIthout recording my intakes and planning my meals and snacks ahead of time, I would never recognize the emotions, thoughts and patterns that arise throughout my eating. So, although this was a negative behavior in the past, the importance of meal planning shines through the bad and helps to change not only this behavior, but all of the unhealthy behaviors that come along with having bulimia.