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My name is Nick and I am a believer in Jesus Christ; my Lord and savior. I am in recovery from a drug addiction that has consumed over 20 years of my life. A little over 33 years ago I was born in New Orleans into an amazing strong catholic family, with 2 wonderful hard working and God fearing parents that provided everything we ever wanted and needed. I wasn't necessarily spoiled, but I didn't go without. My parents made us work for everything we wanted.
I am the middle child with an older sister who was my best friend , a younger brother who looked up to me and watched everything I did, and a younger sister that has the biggest heart. I grew up going to Catholic school learning about God everyday. My older sister and I did everything together and she was there to help me through 30 years of my crazy life. She was a very big part in my recovery journey, one I have been on since I was 16.
I can't really say that I had anything particular happen to me to make me start rebelling. I started using drugs in 7th grade and my use quickly progressed into going to raves every weekend and doing everything from LSD, ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine, crystal meth, and the list goes on.
I went to my first rehab at the age of 15 when I failed a drug test for cocaine. I started drinking heavily on weekends and a few months after rehab my sister found me on a parade route with no pulse. Arriving at the hospital my blood-alcohol level was .44, I was clinically dead.
I stayed in the ICU for 3 days with the doctor telling my family I would be on dialysis for the rest of my life. But by the grace of God I walked out with nothing but the worst hangover I have ever experienced!
After that things didn't get any better. My parents decided the family needed to move out of New Orleans, so we moved to Hattiesburg Mississippi. I continued to rebel and get into more trouble. I ended up going back to rehab a little more than a year later. When I got out, 28 days later, I dropped out of high school and went to the Mississippi Youth Challenge Academy at camp Shelby .
I started dating my sisters best friend and when I was 19 she became pregnant with my son, Ian. We got married and had another child, my daughter, Laurie Claire. The entire time we were married we smoked marijuana together and drank along with some other drugs here and there. We moved to Nashville for me to go to college and while there I started using a lot more. She left me there to finish school by myself due to my drug use.
When she left I tried to get clean and get back to church. That is where I first experienced Celebrate Recovery. I really liked it, but I thought I could pick and choose the tools I wanted to use that they told me I needed. After I graduated and moved back to Hattiesburg, I stayed sober for a little while, but then things just got worse and worse.
In 2008 I chose drugs over my family and was divorced. I started using heroin even more and eventually started shooting up. I was out of control and tried to stop so many times. I moved from Hattiesburg to Tennessee in October of 2010 to get away from the drugs. I thought moving would help.
I got re-married in early 2011 and moved to Savannah, Georgia only to start using cocaine very heavily. And of course, that didn't work out for long at all. From there I have moved to so many different cities and states you would think I was in the military. Just running from myself and my problems only to create more along my way. I could never go some place and stay clean. I felt like I could just move and escape my problems and addictions. But I came to find out the problem was me; I had a spiritual problem.
Always finding what I wanted wherever I moved, my heroin use continued to get worse and worse. In October of 2012 while at my 5th rehab, Faith Farm, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, my best friend, and sister, died. Looking back, God had me right where I needed to be in rehab growing closer to him because I think if I wasn't there I would have definitely been using very heavily and could have possibly overdosed. It was devastating, needless to say. But for the month of being at Faith Farm leading up to her death I was able to talk to her on the phone everyday and apologize and let her feel like she had her best friend and brother back. At least, that's what she told me numerous times.
I was able to talk to her about God and inspire her to grow closer to Him. Her boyfriend told me when I came down for the funeral, that since she was seeing a change in me and I talked to her about God and the bible all the time, that she would pray with him often and carry her bible everywhere she went. I stayed clean the entire 3 weeks I was away from rehab for her funeral.
When I went back I stayed about another month or so and decided I was ready, I was good to go. Upon arriving back in Tennessee to my parents' house, I walked into the room where all her things were and just lost it. It was struggle everyday to stay clean. Which only lasted a couple weeks and I was right back out there, 10 times worse.
I went to another rehab, in Kentucky this time. I stayed there for 7 and a half months doing bible studies, devotions, and such. 6 hrs or more every single day. I grew a lot while there but just not enough. I still thought I had the strength to overcome the addiction. That I could rely on my own strength.
When I left there I stayed clean for about 4 months. But clean was just not using heroin. I met a girl in rehab who I put on a pedastool and treated her like she was my God. Needless to say our sobriety didn't last too long at all. This time things got even worse than ever. I became homeless losing everything, even my family. But I did have her, she stuck by my side no matter what. And I thought everything would be ok as long as we were together.
Everyone was so sick of this downward spiral and me supposably being better. After traveling down the east coast sleeping in a tent and being homeless for over 5 months, we wound up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. We were kind of clean, not using heroin. I got a good job and an apartment because God put someone in my life that wanted to help me. But then it started again. She decided to leave and go back to Tennessee and I felt like my world was over.
I went back to using heroin again. This time was bad! I really didn't think it could get any worse than the other times because those were really bad. I was using so much hoping I would die because I felt like I had nothing to live for. I had been divorced twice, hadn't seen my kids in almost three years, haven't really been a father for over seven. And they didn't want to talk to me. And no one wanted anything to do with me anymore.
Well, God wasn't done with me yet. He sent someone I didn't even know, Chris, to reach out on faith and help me out. To be an angel in disguise. I wound up at the Home of Grace, my seventh rehab, and spent three of the best months in I don't know how long, growing in God. That is where a true miracle happened.
I tell you all so much about my past to let you know how big the miracle God has done, really is! I am absolutely blown away every single day when I think of where God has brought me from and how he never let me go. How he had a plan the entire time I was fighting against him and doing my own thing. Knowing he was real and he was the only way to go, yet living a life of destruction and death. God had all of these plans for me and knew everything that was going to happen and used all of the bad things in my life for His good and His kingdom.
While at the home of grace I experienced things I never before thought were possible. He took the pain I had and turned it around to joy, and took the addiction and bondage away from me and replaced it with peace and a passion to live for him. I never thought I would be able to wake up and not feel like I had to use just to face the day. Before I went to the House of Grace and tried to stay clean I fought everyday to stay clean and now I don't even think about it most days. He totally changed my life.
I'm not who I used to be. I've heard people say this over and over again and I always thought, "Yeah right these people are full of it. How can someone be that addicted and then all of a sudden just be ok?" I thought I would have to battle this addiction everyday for the rest of my life. Living everyday wanting to use but couldn't because of who it made me. But he took that away. I have had my moments, no doubt, but I give them to Him. I know I can't handle it or use my strength, so I do what He has always wanted me to do and that is to turn it over to Him, to surrender completely. I don't talk, act, think, or do anything like I used to. I am a new creation. He took the old and made me new. What a miracle! I would have never dreamed this was possible.
Since graduating the Home Of Grace, He has done things so fast that I thought would take so long, I got to see my daughter for the first time in almost three years less than a month after I graduated. My son still won't talk to me but last week I got a text from my ex wife telling me he is willing to see me on Christmas Eve. I have my own apartment and have a few different jobs to pay my bills the legal way. My family talks to me almost everyday and is just blown away by God's miracle. I have got my license back, tickets paid and so much more. I have a passion now to live for Christ. That is what I wake up everyday and pray about , that he will shine his light through me and that other people will see his love through me and know that I live for him without ever having to say anything. Just by my actions. I have a passion to let him use me to help others in addiction and bondage. To help bring people to his kingdom. I want to give back what God has done for me and to live everyday to the fullest for Him.
The fire that he has lit inside of me burns so bright everyday. I yearn all day to walk closer with him and to grow and have that intimate relationship with him . To feel his presence and rest in his peace. I want others to feel what I feel. The love of God is such a powerful and amazing thing and I just want everyone to feel it and to draw near to him. It's overwhelming and once you experience it , when you turn away from it no matter what you do or where you go , you will always try to fill it, but it can't be filled with anything but his love. To show people that living their lives for him is the only way to true happiness.
We never know when our last breath may be and don't you want to know that you lived your life to the fullest and did what God wanted you to do with the life he gave you. When we think about it, that is why we are here on this earth. To help, love, encourage one another to have that relationship with him. To serve him and to love him with everything in us. Yeah, we all fall short, but to know we are covered by grace and Jesus died for us should make every single one of us just want to shine even more in this dark world we live in.
We will all have our days and do or say things we shouldn't but it's how we turn it around and learn from our mistakes that matters. Don't have excuses for the way you live, repent and try harder everyday to live for God. To stay in his will and walk it out not talk about it. Talk is cheap and any of us can talk about being a follower of Jesus. But actions speak louder than words and I hope by my actions people can see that God has taken such a mess and turned it into a message for him to be glorified!
Celebrate recovery has been a big part in my recovery. Prior to this time getting clean, when I was trying to stop using I would go to N.A and A.A meetings but wouldn't be able to fill the void that I was yearning for, that I found in CR because it was Christ I was looking for. Working the steps was a little hard but it was definitely worth it in so many ways. It really makes you step back and take a look at yourself and your life and get to the root of the problems.
I have made a lot of new amazing friends along they way that are true friends!
It definitely hasn't been an easy journey but God gives me the strength everyday to keep pushing forward and when I can't go anymore he carries me.
One thing I want to share with the new comer is that all of this is a process, a life long journey. It doesn't happen overnight and it's more than just C.R . This is just one piece of the puzzle. Get accountability , work the steps, stay in meetings, in church, in your bible, and in fellowship with other believers, and pray! Give your problems to God and do that on a daily basis. We are like a family here and are here to help and encourage each other. I pray through my testimony that you can not only hear, but also see the miracle God has done and is doing everyday in my life and know that our God is bigger than anything we may face!
He has turned my life around and I pray that I can live everyday for him and his kingdom. To stay in his will and walk it out . That when I take my last breathe I can say I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. That I will hear Jesus say well done my good and faithful servant! God bless!